It seems to me that I am more like the Jews of the old testament then anything else... or like Peter.. I haven't quite decided. I use to not get it about the Jews. I couldn't understand how they could see miracless (I meaN REALLY SEE THEM WITH THEIR EYES) and then forget it and turn their backs on God and complain or doubt. And Peter jumps in with both feet without thinking about anything, opens his mouth in confidence, and then becomes a coward midstream. Yep.. not sure which one I am. I do know that God is really opening my eyes to my failings; hopefully it is to begin to build me up to become more like Crhist. I guess I would prefer realizing my failing rather then having no clue the sin in my life.
I need to make a big decision this week... probably today or at least by Monday. I have been praying about it. That is the problem with my prayer life. I can hear just about whatever I want to hear. That probablly doesn't make sense to you. What I mean is that I can justify whatever answer I want and apply it to "God's direction". It is twisted and warped and down right sinful... I know. I dont mean it to be. But I have finally come to grips that I am very good at making my desires "God's will". For instance.. in this decision... I can give lots of reasons why I should do it and lots of reasons why I shouldn't. My heart wants to do it while at the same breath, by body does not. So with that in mind, I realize that the "yes" answers are probably coming from the passion in my heart while the "no" answers are probably coming from fear and reservation for my family. Which is the right one? I just don't know! AND... it depends who I talk to as to what I feel. Wow - I hate not being able to hear God's voice. This is the time I would really like to see the "handwriting on the wall". Many, today, would say that I am seeing it. I dont mean see God working through others or through the bible or prayer... I mean REALLY seeing the handwriting on the wall... physically seeing it.
Alas.... that is not the case. So, I will continue to think about it and try to finalize my answer. In the meantime.... life around here is good. I have recently had to tame the "mama bear" instinct in me. It is not easy. When one of my kids has been wronged, the instinct comes out in me very, very strongly. Recently, Jacob has dealt with a few nasty comments. Can I just say that I hate FACEBOOK sometimes? Well.. I do. Jacob accidentally hit a LIKE button on someone's status. He didn't even know the kid. He had just accepted his friend request because he goes to his school (I big lessoned learned!). He checks facebook on his ipod all the time. He is new to using facebook (just got an account a few weeks ago). The guys status said "I'm gay". That made him try to figure out more about this kid and see if he really was. As he scrolled through the comments, he was relieved to know that he was not gay. But in scrolling through, he accidentally clicked on the like button... not even knowing he had done it! Later that day, he saw several nasty comments under this guys status .... all about Jacob! It was absolutely horrible! Jacob was devastated. We immediately told him to correct the "like" and to defriend the kid. But the damage had already been done. Of all the status's to accidentally like... that one is the worst one he could possibly have done it too. That came on the heals of someone he works with saying something nasty to him. Mama Bear came out in full stream. I started reacting rather then praying or thinking. By God's grace, he held me at bay and I didn't do all that my mind was doing. I am thankful for His grace in my life!
But God is good, gracious, faithful, and loving. Jacob handled it far better then I could ever have imagined. He was mortified, but he held it together the best he could. His head is held up high and he is dealing with it. Oh how I hate how kids treat others sometimes! For now, we are praying protection on Jacob's reputation and for Jacob to be able to forgive the comments of this young man. I am confident that God will hear those prayers and answer them both. My biggest concern is that he can forgive. It is a matter of remembering Christs forgiveness in our own lives. Once we recognize that, how can we not forgive?
Elizabeth just woke up and is wanting me. Have a blessed day.
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