I have been struggling with a major decision for the past month. I was asked to consider running for the school board. Honestly, I can't shake my desire or feeling to run. I have wrestled with the decision like nothing I have ever wrestled with before. There is a part of me that feels very "called" to run. And there is a part of me that wants to protect my family from me running. As my husband has pointed out... when I committ to something or have a passion to something, I can fall so deep that everything around me suffers. I have a true passion for the school board. But the biggest thing I wrestled with was that if God was "calling" me to run, if I didn't run because of my family, would I be being disobedient to Him? Would I be saying "no" to God? What I needed to figure out was if the "call" I was feeling was a true "calling" or was it a deep passion that I was working it in such a way to "make it a calling". You see, I am very aware that you can read the bible and twist it to justify just about anything you want. I have seen, over and over, christians justify sin. They want something badly enough that they look for verses or other people who might encourage them. They read into anything to convince themselves that God is leading them. I felt like this decision was so crucial that i didn't want to do that. I want to obey God more then anything. I want to do whatever he calls me to do; even if my family is effected by it. But I DO NOT want to my family effected if it is merely a passion of my own and I am using God as my excuse.
So I asked many to pray. I read the bible, prayed intensely and sought wise counsil from men and women who I knew had a real relationship with Christ. Over and over again, I was convinced that I should run. But everytime I went to make the phone call or type an email stating I would run, I would stop. I finally came to a decision that I was going to run, but decided that I would meet with my pastor and seek his council. I had been asking him to pray for a few weeks. Mark had suggested that I meet with him.
Twenty minutes before I met with him, I had an intense battle with my son. I walked into his office and said something to the effect of my recent battle as a mother of a teenager and needing to switch my gears to "running for school board". Then I told him that ultimately, what I wanted to do was run for the school board and lose. That way, I would have been obedient to God adn I wouldn't have to worry about how it would effect my family. That began an hour long discussion of all the things that were pulling at me.
He wisely sat there, listening to me go on and on. As he asked questions, he listened to my response. In the end, it was so clear that my ministery was not in the school board, but with my son; with my children and my husband. No doubt, I will run for school board in a few years, but not now. I need to be here, trying to muster the energy and wisdom it takes to help each of my kids through the difficult stages of growing up. As he said, the school board will be there and God can call anyone. My child will only be with me for a short period.
It was clear to me at the moment. I am confident it was the wisest choice. I am almost as confident that I am not being disobedient to God... almost... but not completely at peace with it. But I am more at peace with the decision then I have been in a month. I know where I am needed most.
Erin headed for Houghton today. She will be a coach at a soccer camp for 2 weeks. She has been working hard at getting back into shape. I am so proud of her and excited for her and nervous for her! Please pray that she does not push herself too much and injur her knees.
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